Russian Roulette
by sweetkiwi604
Summary: Rick knew by the vacant expression on her face and blood on her shirt that something had happened. He just wasn't sure what that something was. Rick/OC. AU. Pre-ZA.
1. Chapter 1

**I apologize for the length just trying to feel out the story a bit. No Lori in this one which in turn means no Carl or Judith either. Let me know what you think. **

Russian Roulette

Rain pelted the ground, her hair plastered to the side of her face as she ran. She had to get as far away from that house as she could. The image of the knife sticking out of his chest, his lifeless eyes locked on her, as he body laid on the floor in a pool of his own blood was ingrained in her mind. It was an image she wasn't sure would ever leave and time seemed to stand still for a moment until a crack of thunder snapped her back to reality. She didn't even have a destination in mind when she had started running but when she got to his door she didn't hesitate to knock. It took a few minutes for the porch light to turn on and for him to open the door but when he finally did there was no hiding the shock on his face.

"Jenna?" Her chest heaved with each ragged breath and she glanced over her shoulder as if the nightmare would be chasing her through the storm. "Hey, hey," Rick stepped out on the porch and put a hand on her shoulder to get her attention causing her to jump. "Are you alright?"

Her whole body trembled under his hand and he ushered her inside without a second though, making a mental note that her car was no where in sight. It wasn't until Jenna was in the living room that she noticed Rick had been in a pair of sleep pants and a white tee. Glancing up at the old clock on the wall, she ran a shaky hand through her wet hair. "Didn't realize it was so late. I'm sorry I shouldn't have bothered you. I don't even know why I'm here."

"It's fine," Rick brushed the apology off and watched as she numbly sat on the couch, keeping her gaze on her shoes. He cautiously sat next to her never having seen her this way before. "Jen, what's going on?"

There was fire in her eyes and blood on her hands but all she wanted to do was sleep. Drift off to a place where she would be able to dream forever and not have to deal with the harsh realities of the world around her. It had been self defense, a moment of kill or be killed, but it didn't change the fact that she had just murdered someone. It didn't change the fact that she was still nervous about telling the cop sitting next to her. A part of her worried that he would slap the cuffs on her right then and there but another part, a much larger part, needed him to be the calm in the middle of this storm. She needed him to soothe her fears, to quiet the voices in her head that were screaming at her saying that she was just a few words away from ending up behind bars- again, but most of all she needed him to just be Rick.

"I…" _killed him_ was what her mind was telling her to answer but she couldn't get the words to pass her lips. "I…" she tried again and Rick placed a comforting hand on the small of her back, leaning in to catch her line of sight. "I just had a bad night."

It wasn't the first time she had lied to protect him and she was sure it wouldn't be the last but it was the first time she had struggled to. Jenna wanted him to tell her everything she was trying to convince herself. She needed to hear that she had no choice and if she hadn't done what she did that she could very well be the one dead right now. There was that chance though that he wouldn't see it that way and that terrified her. She had no one else to turn to, no one else she trusted, and she could only hope he wouldn't interrogate her. She had the urge to run again but out of fear shoved it down.

Rick wasn't buying it for a second but knew if he pressed her for the truth she would only retreat further into herself. "Alright, okay, why don't you go take a shower and clean up a bit. I'll see if I can't find you some dry clothes."

Not trusting her voice at the moment she simply nodded and headed toward the bathroom. Rick knew by the vacant expression on her face and blood on her shirt that _something_ had happened he just wasn't sure what that something was. Whatever it was it was big enough to bring Jenna to his doorstep at three in the morning a year after they had thrown in the white towel for their relationship. He waited a few minutes after he heard the shower running to crack the door and place clean clothes on the sink for when she was done. He gathered up her wet clothes and threw them in the washing machine, stopping and thinking for a moment that he could be destroying evidence but this was his Jenna. Sure, they hadn't spoken much recently and he was working his way through the force but his need to protect her won out as he added the laundry detergent, starting the machine as soon as he heard the shower cut off.

He dug the teapot out of the cabinet above the stove and filled it with water before setting it on the burner. He closed his eyes as scenario after scenario ran through his mind on what could have happened. Jenna hadn't been the most law abiding citizen growing up but she wasn't a teenager anymore and he knew that at least the darkest parts of her past had stayed in the past or so he hoped.

Jenna joined him in the kitchen as he put a teabag in the mug. "Please, don't bother. It's late and you have to work in the morning. I shouldn't have just showed up here."

"I don't mind," Rick assured as the pot whistled, steam pouring from its spout. "You're always welcome here. Now, we have to warm you up before you catch cold from being out in the rain."

"That's a myth," she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest trying to silently close herself off to him as she leaned against the archway.

He smiled on the inside that she had been so easily baited into conversation but he feigned innocence. "Oh? So you're not cold?"

"I just want to lay down for awhile."

Rick stared at her for a moment before nodding, "Alright, you know where the bed is."

"Oh no," she shook her head, "The couch is fine."

"I'm not sleeping in a perfectly good bed while you are on the couch. Get some sleep, Jen. Everything will be better in the morning, you'll see."

It felt weird crawling into his bed after all this time but she couldn't deny that his scent was a comfort as she hugged his pillow to her body. She wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen once morning came but for now she was going to attempt to sleep because as far as she knew tomorrow she would be wanted for murder.

**X-X-X**

Rick groaned as he woke up the next morning, his muscles protesting from having slept on the couch after he was sure Jenna had dozed off. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, hoping that in the daylight everything wouldn't seem as bad as it was the night before. He finally pushed himself off the couch so he could use the bathroom and out of habit from when they lived together he peered into the bedroom. He expected Jenna to be fast asleep but when he saw the bed empty, sheets perfectly made, and no trace of her he began to worry. He immediately dialed her cell phone number and nearly slammed the phone back on the cradle when it went to voicemail.

The phone rang a few seconds later and he answered it with a rushed, "Jen?"

There was a chuckle on the other end of the line. "So that's what you've been dreaming about, huh? Man, I got to tell you it's time to let that one go. She's nothing but trouble." He wanted to correct Shane but he wasn't given the opportunity. "Call came in this morning they found a body over on Academy Street."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It had been two days since she showed up at Rick's and they were two of the most terrifying days of her life. Jenna was sitting on the back steps of the Dixons' trailer wondering what she was going to do next when the screen door opened, Daryl joining her on the porch. He simply nodded in greeting and lit a cigarette, letting the smoke billow around himself. Jenna welcomed the silence at first and then had to fight the scowl off her face when he randomly stated, "Thought you was clean."

"I am," she replied, making sure to look him straight in the eye so he would know she wasn't lying. She couldn't blame him though, Merle and Jenna had caused their fair amount of trouble where drugs were involved, but that life had been left behind ages ago.

Daryl stared at her for a moment longer before nodding. "There a reason a cop was looking for you then?"

Jenna sighed and ran a hand through her hair out of habit. "Probably because I spent the night at his house two nights ago and left without saying anything." Daryl's brow slightly scrunched in confusion as if trying to put all the pieces together. "What did Rick have to say?"

"Wasn't Rick."

"What? Who else is looking for me?" She all but demanded, her heart starting to beat hard against her chest.

"Walsh. Seemed pretty anxious to find you too. Asked if you came here."

Jenna visibly blanched and stood up ready to run if she had to, "What did you tell him? Is he on his way here?" She didn't even give him a chance to answer before she continued though this time it was more to chastise herself. "Shit. I knew it. I should have left last night and then I would be further away from all this instead of still in town just waiting for them to toss my ass in jail for good this time."

Daryl let her ramble on for a bit and waited for her to pause to get a word in. "What did you do, Jen?"

His question snapped her out of her thoughts and she shook her head. She wasn't going to get either of the Dixons involved in her mess anymore than she already had by spending the night. "I need to leave."

"Didn't tell him you were here."

Jenna quirked her head to the side, expecting something like that from Merle but not Daryl. "Why?"

"Saw him before I got back," he indifferently shrugged. He had known Jenna for years now and she was the closest thing to a friend his brother had but he wasn't about to lie to the cops for her. At least that was until he knew what was going on. "Didn't know you was here."

"Tell your brother thanks again for last night but I should really be going."

"Where are you going to go? Is it worth it to run?"

"I don't know but I don't really have a choice." She slumped back down on the stairs and rested her chin on her knees, staring out into the backyard. "I royally fucked up this time, Daryl." He was silent but she didn't mind. There wasn't anything that he was going to say that would make it better or change the facts. She sat there for a bit trying to come up with her next move. "Hey, are you still friends with that pizza guy…you know that Chinese kid."

"He's Korean."

"Whatever," she waved the correction off, reminding him very much of something his brother would do, and got back to the question. "Are you?"

"Why?" His eyes squinted at the question as if trying to see past any bullshit she might be spewing at him.

"Because I need someone I don't know to get me out of town until I can figure out what the fuck to do."

Daryl immediately shook his head and shot down what she thought was a foolproof plan. "I ain't going to ask him to get wrapped up in your shit."

"All he had to do is drive the car…just say it's a favor…the less he knows the better anyways." Daryl still wasn't budging on the subject so she played the last card she had even if it was a bitch move. "Please, Daryl, after what I did for Merle."

**X-X-X**

The ride was uncomfortable to say the least. His car reeked of pizza and he wouldn't stop nervously rambling even after she had asked him to put some music on. Jenna had him drop her off at the gas station, telling him that a friend was going to meet her soon, and when he pulled away she walked across the street to the motel she would be staying at for the night. She paid with cash and gave the guy behind the counter the name of her middle school biology teacher. It was scarier being on her own. She didn't have Rick or Merle there to distract her and now all she could do was think.

Jenna tried to convince herself, again, that she had no choice and if she hadn't done it then she would be the one they found dead. She counted the few bills that she had left and decided to skip food for the night so she could make the little money she had last. After flipping through the minimal channels the motel offered and fighting the sleep that threatened to over take her she finally nodded off in the chair.

_Jenna couldn't understand why he had called her after all these years but curiosity got the best of her as she walked to his house and knocked on his front door. He let her in without even the simplest of greetings and Jenna suddenly felt like maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to come alone._

"_So," she rocked on her feet, ready to hear what he had to say so that she could get out of there. "What's up?"_

_He stood with his back to the front door as if to make sure she wouldn't have an easy exit. "Took the boat out on the lake today to do some fishing and you wouldn't believe what I caught." She remained silent, hoping her expression wasn't giving away her secrets. "Don't you want to know what it is?"_

_She shrugged and kept her voice even, "Trash?"_

_The foul smile that spread across his face was enough to make her take a step back. "Don't play coy with me, Jenna. I know what you did. I know what happened to that little boy."_

A knock at the door broke her out of her nightmare and it took her a minute to realize she was in the motel room. There was another knock and she wondered for a minute if she should ignore it, maybe try and run, but with shaky hands she opened it as much as the chain would allow to see Rick standing on the other side. She closed the door again and rested her head against it to collect herself before removing the chain. She let Rick in and crossed her arms over her chest as he shut the door behind him.

"I have been looking everywhere for you. Are you okay?"

"Are you here to arrest me?" She questioned, taking in the fact that he was still in uniform and wondering how he found her in the first place.

He should have said yes, he could have brought her in and taken the credit to help move his career along, but he couldn't at least not until he heard her side of the story. "Found Lou Alderman dead in his home." He waited to see if she would say anything but when she didn't he pressed on. "Checked his phone records and you were the last person he called."

"That doesn't mean anything," she said more to convince herself than the man standing in front of her.

Rick nodded and continued. "Same night he was killed you show up at my place with blood on you, scared out of your mind."

"If you have something to say, Rick, just say it."

He took a step closer, leaning in a bit to look her straight in the eye. "Jen, did you kill Lou?"

"Yes."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

All the evidence was there, it didn't take a genius to put the pieces together, but at her confirmation of his question he still didn't want to believe it. Jenna didn't give him much time to think on it as she sat back in the chair, pulling her legs underneath her. "How'd you find me?"

"There isn't much I don't know about you, Jen," Rick answered, running a hand over his face trying to figure out how to go about this.

He knew enough, the parts that she allowed him to see, but there were still a few skeletons in her closet that would have sent him running for the hills. The fact that he hadn't answered her question yet about if he was there to arrest her set her on edge. They had history but that didn't matter when he was a cop and she was a murderer. "If it makes you feel better, I didn't go over there with the intent on killing him."

"No, it doesn't." Rick sat heavily on the bed, resting his elbows on his knees, the heels of his hands pressing into his eyes.

Jenna never had been one to try and fill the silence. Words were as valuable as the calm of the quiet and she tried not to waste either. Yet, this time the silence was like a snake slithering up her body and constricting around her neck. Silence meant that he was trying to process everything in his mind and even a second too much of thinking could mean cuffs being slapped around her wrists.

"Sorry I pissed you off."

Rick never raised his head from his hands as he spoke towards the floor, "I wasn't mad I was worried." A long breath left his lungs as his eyes finally met hers. "You were just gone. You showed up scared and with blood on you and I wake up and you weren't there. I thought something happened to you."

"I should have never come to you. I wasn't thinking."

"You can always come to me," he cut her off with so much conviction in his eyes that her heart almost skipped a beat. "I'm not going to lie though this is some serious shit you've gotten yourself into." He paused for a minute as if making a decision and then nodded to himself. "I want to help you, Jen, but I can't do that unless I know the whole story."

Jenna sat there as her mind went into overdrive. How was she supposed to tell Rick why she had killed Lou without spilling her biggest secret?

_The foul smile that spread across his face was enough to make her take a step back. "Don't play coy with me, Jenna. I know what you did. I know what happened to that little boy."_

"_I don't know what you're talking about."_

_Lou snorted in disgust, "Weave so many lies you don't even know what the truth is anymore, do you?" He took another step toward her until her back hit the wall, her heart rate rising as time ticked on. "A mother has gone years without knowing what happened to her son. His father picked up the bottle to drown his misery and all because of your well told story." He roughly grabbed her chin so she had no choice but to look him in the eye. "Garrett never ran away, did he? Never made much sense as to why he would but there was sweet little Jenna with tears in her eyes spinning her lies about seeing him leave. Then why did I find his bike in the lake?" When she didn't reply he shook her like a rag doll expecting answers. "I go to the cops, they going to find Garrett in the lake too? What did you do?!"_

"_I didn't kill him!" She screamed, bringing her knee up and hitting him in the crotch to get out of his grasp. _

_He let her go and she darted for the front door but before she could turn the knob he yanked on her hair, dragging her further into the house. She cried out in pain and kept repeating that she didn't kill him though when he asked who did she didn't give a response. She knew Garrett was in that lake, she had put him there after he overdosed while at a party with her and Merle. Merle Dixon had the best drugs around and if the town found out that their star baseball player had overdosed they wouldn't think twice about knocking down the eldest Dixon's door. It was a rash decision while she was riding out her own high but she would never regret it. Skeletons had a way of finding their way out of the closest though and hers were now screaming._

_Merle had been clean for three years now and she cursed herself for even thinking of calling him to take care of this asshole but she wasn't sure what else to do. He had left this life behind, they both had, but her past was catching up with her. After another failed attempt to get to the door a rage filled Jenna like never before. She grabbed a knife out of the block sitting on the kitchen counter and held it in front of her. _

_The light hit the blade and Lou let out a bark of a laugh as he made a move on her. "Going to kill me too, Jenna? Drop me in the lake and spin another story? Or maybe this time you'll get more creative. Lord knows you have to have someone helping you. There's no way a dumb little bitch like you has the brains for something like this." He held his arms out to the side. "Go ahead, kill me."_

_She took the opportunity to try the back door but he grabbed her arm with such force should feel the handprint that would be left behind. Without thinking of anything else but getting away, she spun around, the knife lodging itself in his chest. His grasp on her arm loosened and he blinked in shock a few times before stumbling back. She should have ran now that she was given the chance but she stood there until he was laying in a pool of his own blood and the light in his eyes went out. _

She shook her head as she crossed her arms, trying to block him out for the time being. "How do I know the second I finish telling you, you won't decide that it's all too much?"

"Because you trust me," he stated with such simplicity that she tilted her head to the side. "You wouldn't have come to me if you didn't and you need to believe that I have your best interests at heart." His cell phone rang a few times before he answered it, talking low to whoever was on the phone. His eyes landed on her and she got nervous for a second that maybe this had all been a rouse.

He snapped his phone shut and even with his back to her she could see the tension in his shoulders. "Bad call?"

"There's a warrant out for your arrest."

She knew it was coming, it was really only a matter of time, but the news still felt like a hit to the gut. "I can't go to jail, Rick."

He turned around and came to stand right in front of her with one hand on his hip and the other on her shoulder, leaning in a bit so that he was eye level. "I want to help you, Jen, I really do but I can't do that if you don't tell me everything that happened."

Those damn baby blues just inches from her own had her wanting to spill her secrets but to stop herself she closed the small space between them and kissed him. It wasn't anything knee weakening or firework worthy but it was enough to quiet her fears and that was all that mattered. She put a hand on either side of his face to keep him close and kissed him again, this time slower, taking the time to trace his bottom lip with her tongue before it dominated his mouth. He responded getting lost in the feeling for a moment before he pulled away and took a step back, turning his back to her.

"Don't do that," his voice was barely over a whisper but she could hear it as clear as if he had shouted it at the top of his lungs.

She stood from the chair, "I love you, Rick, always have." She could see his muscles relaxing and he let out a long breath as if he was going to respond but before he could she grabbed the phone, hitting him in the back of the head. He fell to the ground unconscious and she crouched by his side, running her hand over his face. "Forgive me," she kissed his forehead and slipped out of the motel room.


End file.
